Gen and Francis: The Pen Pal Project #5
Love redefined amidst the impeccable words at the top of the pyramid.
Wednesday, July 5, 2023
Welcome to our collaborative series where Gen (Genevieve) and Francis (both Medium writers) become companions of the written word. Through these intimate letters, we embark on a poignant voyage, sharing our innermost thoughts, cherished experiences, and profound discoveries. As pen pals navigating the digital landscape, we weave together the threads of our lives, exploring the depths of both profound and everyday subjects. Each letter offers you a glimpse into our worlds, an open invitation to join us in forging connections and engaging in contemplation. Come, embark on this journey of shared expressions, as we unravel the captivating intricacies of friendship and the enduring power found within the written word.
Gen and Francis: The Pen Pal Project #4
Fathers, Realities, and the Offer
startwithlove1111.medium.com
Dear Gen,
I love your new “handwritten” format. That’s so creative of you. I haven’t seen that on Medium before.
Do you realize that hardly anyone is reading our letters? It makes me feel like we are writing secret letters. It’s exciting and dangerous.
The year is 2050 and all forms of written communication have been banned. You and I are resistance fighters and we are determined to write to each other despite the penalty of death. There is an old farmer’s field just outside of Watson Lake, Yukon. It’s halfway between our homes and a 20 hour drive through wilderness and hidden dangers.
A stone wall embraces the field, protecting it from dangers unknown. Yet, there is a three step ladder breeching the wall. Is it an escape for prisoners unseen or is it the perfect hiding place for forbidden letters? It’s the latter I believe. I shall place this letter under the top step for you to find.
Hopefully, nobody finds it, for I shall speak of things that should not be spoken.
Your parents were wonderful. I love that they collected gifts from around the world for you. The fact that they kept it in a locked safe tells me something about you. You must have developed the ability to crack safes as a young child. Otherwise how would you know they kept it in the safe. That is such an important skill to develop as a child. Maybe you can teach me one day.
You may or may not have read that I teach sports. I teach as a side gig in my retirement years. My repertoire includes golf, skating, swimming, cycling, and … yes, skiing. If only I had a dime for every skiing student that was taken up to the top of the hill and left to fend for themselves! I’m not the best at any of those sports but my superpower is being able to teach all my students in an easy step by step process that keeps them feeling safe at all times.
Speaking of kayaking and fear, I’ve got a good story for you. About 15 years ago (I’m not even sure when it was), I took up white water kayaking through the university outdoor program. We learned how to roll our kayaks in the swimming pool first and then we graduated to the river. It’s one of the most terrifying sports I’ve tried. Imagine rolling your kayak while you are moving upside down through a fast flowing ice cold river. It is incredibly disorienting to be upside down in the water!
Our last class was kayaking down the Bow River and we would have the opportunity to paddle through a set of rapids. I still remember that the skies were blue and warm. The sun offered an apology for the fate that awaited some of us attempting the rapids.
Half the class steered clear of the rapids and took the calm route past them. For the others that attempted the rapids, it was pure chaos. In a matter of seconds, kayaks were overturned, paddles were scattered and floundering bodies littered the river. Nobody was hurt but the sheer number of mishaps overwhelmed the two kayak guides. I rushed to help and pick up some of the abandoned gear that was being swept away as the guides rescued the kayakers.
When everyone was safe, it was my turn. I paddled up the river to face the rapids. My heart was exploding out of my heart because of the watery devastation that happened moments ago. I decided to go for it and commit to it whole heartedly. As Yoda said, “ there is no try, just do.”
So every muscle in my body screamed in unison. They charged together to make the paddle slice through the water and make the kayak go faster and faster until the terror hit my eyes. I saw a standing wave there that was taller than me sitting in my kayak. The wave unexpectedly devoured my kayak, pulling it down underneath the wave. I was able to remember my training and at the last moment I held my paddle above my head.
My entire head became submerged in the ice cold wave and I thought for a second I would die. Logic told me that there was no way out of this. My entire kayak was underwater in the grasp of the merciless river.
Then the miracle happened. The buoyancy of the sealed kayak allowed it to escape the grasp of the angry river and I was catapulted out the back side of the wave. That was not included in the classroom discussion.
That was the miracle, but the magic was waiting for me on the other side. The wave was the veil between death and life. It was a glimpse of the possibilities. When fate chose life, I found myself in a paradise. The river had lost it’s fury and transformed into a tranquility that I had never experienced.
Life moved in slow motion. The drops of water that crept off my paddle created a beautiful harmony as they dove into the river. My heart whispered in my ear to tell me that every event in my life was exactly what I needed to bring me to this one moment of perfection. No past. No future.
It was one of the peak moments in my life. I will also never try to replicate it. Once was enough.
I Love You: Meaningless Words
You said, ”Be patient, show and express your love, you will always receive love in return, it may not be today.”
That brings me to my recent discovery of what love is for me. Here are the words that perhaps, should not be spoken.
Be impeccable with your word. Say only what you mean.
— Don Miguel Ruiz (The Four Agreements)
I’ve spent my life looking for love. And yes, in all the wrong places. It’s been an exploration that has taken me on many journeys until last year when I realized that I was attracted to unavailable women. Unavailability can expresses itself in very subtle ways that may even appear as available. There are so many stories that are woven into that sentence. I will leave them out for now.
Once I realized that, a thousand veils fell from my heart. They were there to blind me to a reality that had been hidden for decades. They blinded me to my truth.
Love is an energy that flows through the universe binding all the souls together. It can neither be taken away or given. It’s always there.
To be impeccable with my words, “I love you” has lost meaning for me. I literally don’t know what it means because love is everywhere and it flows through my chakras, through my heart.
I can’t use “love” as a verb because it is our very essence. I could say to someone, “I see love flowing through your heart and it emanates to all those around you.”
I could say of myself, “I feel the energy of love flowing from my root chakra through my heart and back into the universe through my crown chakra. It is flowing more freely than it ever has.”
I could say to another, “I see that you have blockages in your heart that prevents the flow of love through your chakras. Can I help you let go of those blockages?”
Or I might say, “It’s so beautiful to be in your presence because the flow of love between us lights up the world around us.”
I can’t say that I receive love.
I can’t say that I give love.
I can say the words out of habit, but it has lost meaning to me. No one can give it to me or take it away. It would not be an impeccable use of words.
It’s lost meaning because what has replaced it, is so much more beautiful, omnipresent and powerful. It has replaced a love that was traded. It replaced a love that was needed and craved as an external source. It was an illusion. The reality was that all I had to do was remove the veils and the blockages to let it flow from within.
That was the right place to look.
I have a friend that was dating a man. This man broke up with her three times. On this last and apparently final time, I asked her, “what was it about him that you were attracted to?” She said, “he made me feel like a goddess.” In other words the perceived love that she received from him made her feel like a goddess.
I would suggest that feeling like a goddess is independent of anything external. Feeling like a goddess is radical self love. It is the heart chakra so completely clear and open that the energy is rushing through unabated. I could say to her, “I see the goddess in you. But no one can make you feel like one. Only you can do that.”
So what is it that I can say to my daughter? I can say, “I see that your heart is blocked with the childhood pain of school yard bullying. I feel your pain in my heart. I feel my pain of seeing where life took you from that innocent open hearted little girl that you used to be. I still feel the beautiful flow of energy that we both had between us when you were a child. I can still see the light in you waiting to shine brightly. I see that you could still use my caring and support in making your way through life. I see that you could still use my support in finding your way back to that open hearted child. I’m here for you whenever you need me. So call me only when you need me if that’s where you are. I need nothing from you. Nothing at all. I’m here for you unconditionally.”
I say all that but I can’t say, “I love you.” They are three words that have lost meaning.
I just placed a hold on “The Prophet” by Khalil Gibran. I always surrender to people suggesting books to me. Every gem of a book that has ever shown up in my life to guide me has been from someone like you recommending it to me. If I had grown up in a village, books would be the village elders. They would tell me stories to help me evolve.
Speaking of which, I just started writing a book on happiness. It’s been on my mind for more than 10 years. I finally started typing the first words yesterday. The technology available makes it so easy to publish a book now. And it’s all free!
I will end this letter with a story about music and pyramids. I’ve never read any of his books but I’m a fan of Abraham Maslow. When I first heard of his idea of peak experiences I felt a resonance with him.
Think of the most wonderful experience of your life: the happiest moments, ecstatic moments, moments of rapture, perhaps from being in love, or from listening to music or suddenly ‘being hit’ by a book or painting, or from some creative moment.
Abraham Maslow
Abraham Maslow believed that life could be structured like a pyramid.
I’ve been climbing this pyramid my entire life and I’m spending more time near the top and much less time in the bottom four. My previous search for love found me spending a lot of time in the red zone of “Belonging and Love Needs.”
Now I’m feeling the exhilaration of spending most of my time in the orange zone of Self Actualization. In that zone you will find creativity.
I got an email from my Jane, the Unitarian church choir director a week ago (they call it a church but it’s more of a community that likes to help people and they just love to sing). She asked if anyone wanted to read a poem at the church’s last service of the year before the summer break. The theme was the importance of music in our lives. She gave us several poems to choose from but I asked if I could write my own poem and recite it with her accompanying me on the piano. She was all for that. That evening I woke up at 3 a.m. because a poem had already formed and it was pleading at me to let it out.
So I didn’t read the poem in front of the congregation. I performed it. I let the words dance impeccably from my heart to my lips as Jane improvised on the piano to be in harmony with the words. You’ll have to imagine the piano portion. The poem is about my relationship with music. It was a peak moment for me …
A Letter To A Friend
Oh, my beloved friend,
Companion
Guide
Your beauty steals my breath.You come to me on moonlit nights,
Moonbeams in the darkness,
Lighting my way
Inspiring, buoyant.On spring days,
Your melodies fall like rain.
Each note a taste of sweet drops on my ears,
Washing fear away.You reach into my heart
Embracing
Tender
Caring
When I need you most.Take my hand
Walk me to distant lands
Where one voice becomes many
The choir fills the grand hall with your song.You are a symphony of waves
Highs
Lows
Building together
Harmonies
Each verse taking us higher,
to the crest
Soaring
CrescendoUntil … nothing
Serenity
Here
Now.Gratitude overflows
For you,
My dear friend
Have a wonderful week my dear friend!
Francis
